Hi, how are you?! How was your January?
My first few weeks were challenging. I found myself slipping back into old patterns of perfectionism and feelings of lack, worrying that the success in my business and the joy I’d felt the past six months had run its course and come to an end.
A lot of those days I felt scared to say the wrong thing, bad about feeling good, uninspired, and anxious. Things felt really heavy and judgemental, and while I have a lot of mindful and embodiment tools I can turn to lift my energy, I still found myself struggling.
Back in November, I started working with an EFT practitioner and one of the affirmations she gave me to practice in-between our sessions was: “It is safe to learn from my mistakes.”
Logically, my brain can wrap itself around this statement, but this month I realized how difficult it can still be for me to really and truly believe it.
It wasn’t safe for me to make mistakes in my home growing up, and whether because of that experience or something else, I spent most of my time at school trying to be perfect. I even garnered the nickname “Perfect Paperclip” in middle school, a name I pretended not to like because I knew perfection was unattainable, but even so, I liked it all the same. Something about being seen as perfect made me feel good and I clung to that identity.
By the time I got to college, and most definitely by the time I entered the corporate world, this need to show up perfectly all of the time was so ingrained in me I didn’t even know it was there.
It became one of those silent, invisible fears keeping me from being honest with myself, from really going after things I wanted to do, from speaking my truth, and from fully expressing myself in interpersonal relationships.
Spiritual teachers often talk about how our biggest fears show up for us each time we start to reach for a new level of growth in our lives and decide to choose from a higher place, a phenomenon I experienced so clearly during my competitive dance days.
Each time I was on the brink of reaching a new level as a performer, fears I’d worked through long ago would spring up out of nowhere, and I would be forced to confront them once again.
This used to really frustrate me. It felt unfair in some way, like “Why do I have to do this again?!”
But somewhere along my journey, I realized that each time I was forced to revisit these fears I was doing it from a higher, more elevated place. I was revisiting them with new tools and greater understanding, and so even though the experience of diving into them often felt similar, each time I did, I learned a new lesson and grew in a deeper way.
And when viewed from that light, it only makes sense that as I reach for a new level for my brand and business in 2021, my biggest fears started showing up.
And so this month was a lot about making mistakes and learning from them. And you know what’s been wonderful and beautiful it all?
Nothing bad has happened to me.
I am safe, and it is safe to learn from my mistakes.
And that is incredibly liberating.
In other news, driving in my car with the top down and music blaring, makes me very happy, even when it’s 50 degrees outside and I have the heat turned all the way up. I am slowly learning how to get from one place to another without turning on Google maps and finally dancing (in-person!) again.
Restaurants opened up here on Friday for the first time since Thanksgiving and the energy feels so much more alive. I’m auditing a couple of acting classes (!) in February and planning a few new creative projects which I’m excited about.
I’d love to know how everything is going in your world. Hit reply and let me know! And if you have any questions, send them my way and I’ll answer them in an upcoming issue.
with love,
Brielle
Ask Me Anything
You’ve talked about how you experience anxiety before and I’m curious if you could share some things you do to manage it as a high-functioning/high-achieving person. Thank you!
Having a morning routine really helps keep my anxiety at bay. Mine changes a little bit depending on the day, but I try and listen to positive affirmations first thing in the morning while I make coffee and then get outside as quickly as possible. Sometimes I meditate. Sometimes I journal. Sometimes it’s a combination of both, but my goal with both practices is always to get all the things, all the ideas, all of the feelings out of my head, and then find some clarity for myself.
Moving my body is also a big thing for me. I try to go for a walk, do a workout, or take a yoga class every other day. And I try to do it early in the morning because as the day goes on the likelihood that I will gets lower and lower (unless I am specifically taking a dance class that night). When I go four or five days without moving my body at all, that’s usually when my anxiety hits the hardest. And I find it’s much easier to keep it at bay instead of trying to get out of it.
When I am experiencing anxiety, visualizing the ocean really helps me feel calmer. I’ll imagine the ebb and flow of the ocean waves, how they come in and then go out again, and remind myself that the same is true for feelings of anxiety –– it’s only temporary.
Finally, I find it really helpful to call out the experience, especially when I’m around other people. It’s not their responsibility to make me feel better, but there’s nothing wrong or weird about me acknowledging it and then doing something to get out of it (like getting outside for a few minutes). And like any kind of fear, I find that once you say it out loud, it loses most of its power over you.
A Few Other Things…
🤒 I found the perfect pajama top.
📺 Have you seen this TV show? I am newly obsessed with it.
✨ A great podcast about overcoming the fear of success.
😍 These daily vitamins are made of all real food (and taste so good!).
👯 How to make friends in a new place during a pandemic