Hello! Happy last day of November!
I am officially a Los Angelean (Angeleno?) now, and even though I’ve only been here for a few weeks, I already love my new home. From the weather and terrain to the fashion and general vibe, everything about this place feels perfect for me. Now that I’m here, I can’t believe I never considered living here before!
I’ve been staying at Haven, a co-living community focused on wellness, while I get settled (find an apartment, get a car, etc.). There are about 40 of us here (!) all sharing a house and living in little pods. As an introvert, at times I have felt slightly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people and energy swirling through the house. But I am also so grateful for this community! I feel very loved and supported, free to exist as I am. I couldn’t have asked for a better introduction to my new city.
I intentionally wanted my first few weeks in L.A. to reflect the kind of life I want to create here, one defined by abundance, ease, and flow, so I invested in a beautiful Airbnb when I first arrived (and was waiting for my COVID test to clear), have been conscious about not overcommitting to work deadlines, and have been spending the weekends exploring, spending as much time in the sun as possible, and eating really good food.
It feels so different it feels from the way I created, and started, my life in New York. My life there was defined by “hustle.” By “making it work.” By sacrificing certain things for others. I believed in myself, and so, everything I wanted did come to life, but it wasn’t a joy-filled process. There wasn’t always flow and it very much felt like I was ‘trading’ one thing for another. Like I could have what I wanted professionally if I was willing to give up other things, like a relationship or a beautiful home.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on just how much I have changed in the last 12 months, and how much the way I see and interact with the world has too. I am much more spiritual. I don’t believe in sacrifice. And while I do enjoy working, and find so much joy and pleasure in my work, I have learned to “do less” and be more patient with myself.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about equal exchanges of energy and realizing that when I find myself feeling anxious, it’s most often because something about the exchange I just had felt unequal. I notice this the most with money, the way I am happy to pay for something expensive if and when I value it, and feel jilted, guilty, or anxious when I don’t. But I notice it with people and in relationships too.
As 2020 ends and I begin a new chapter of my life, I’m looking for equal energy exchanges. I’m being more intentional about checking-in with myself, pausing to ask if I’m over-giving or holding something back because I’m scared to be totally honest with myself or someone else. I know I have a tendency to hold back in friendships when I’m worried I will offend, hurt, or disappoint the person I care about by speaking my truth. And I know I have a tendency to overgive in romantic relationships. I am bringing more awareness to both of these interactions. It’s a practice for sure, one I know will continue to grow as I do.
In other news, I released a new Ba-Cha-Cha dance video with my friend Sara McGuire this month. You can watch it here 🙂 I’ve also been working on something very special for my business. I’m sharing the news later this week, so stay tuned for that announcement.
A few of you sent in questions after my last newsletter, which I’ve answered below. I’m going to keep this section in my newsletter next month, so send any questions my way and I’ll answer them in the next issue.
If you celebrated, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!
with love,
Brielle
Ask Me Anything
What is your writing process like and how do you come up with what to write in these newsletters? I’m thinking of starting one, but I’m worried I’ll run out of ideas…
I keep a note on my phone titled “Newsletter” and write down ideas I might want to write about throughout the month. This is also where I keep track of anything I read, watch, or listen to that I might want to share with all of you. By the time I actually sit down to write, I usually have a handful of ideas I know I want to mention in the issue.
From there, I see what comes out, and sometimes it really surprises me! October’s newsletter was a great example of that. I definitely didn’t think I would write an entire issue about my morning walks, it was just something I wanted to mention…but then I sat down and an hour later I had an essay.
I find it’s a lot easier to write when I already understand the main idea or point I want to share (and that’s true for all the writing I do, not just this newsletter). I believe that is a crucial element of telling a good story, and something I intentionally learned in my mid-twenties. I wasn’t always good at that. I really like the way Lisa Cron explains how to do that in Story Genius.
As for the fear of running out of ideas…this is one of the most common hesitations I hear from clients who come to me wanting to start creative projects or businesses! I get it because I had this fear too, but the truth is you will never run out of ideas because you are a living, growing person moving through the world. You will continue to find inspiration and have ideas and things you want to share.
I do think that’s different from finding creative inspiration in the moment, or creating ‘on a schedule,’ which I feel like is more where the fear comes from when we think about starting something like a newsletter, podcast, or YouTube channel where part of making it “successful” is wrapped up in creating or sharing consistently. Some days I feel really creative. Other times I don’t, and that’s when it’s helpful to go back to a list of ideas (I keep one for IG posts, blog posts, and offers for my business too). I also think you have to find a balance for yourself/your business/your creation between structuring it and letting it flow naturally. That was a big thing for me this summer.
Like anything the more you do it, the easier and less scary it becomes! I would love to read your newsletter when you start it 🙂
I feel like you’ve been living at your dad’s house for a really long time. What has that actually been like? I feel like I’d go crazy after a week at home!
I ended up spending about five months there, which was definitely a lot longer than I thought I would be there. But it was really great! So great in fact, that now I think living at home is highly underrated and I’m questioning American culture’s obsession with moving out of the house as soon as you turn 18.
To be fair, my dad is really laid back, doesn’t do guilt trips, and very rarely passive-aggressive. I think all of that had a lot to do with my ability to live there for such a long time and really enjoy it. He also really went out of his way to make me feel comfortable and at home, from buying groceries I like (we eat pretty different types of food) and even getting this special speaker for the house so I could dance and teach classes online. I am MUCH MORE particular about pretty much everything than he is, and he gave me space and freedom to do my own thing and create a living environment that worked for me, even if it meant it wasn’t what he would have done on his own.
I also really enjoyed coming out of my room after a full day of work to a full fridge of groceries or freshly baked brownies or banana bread. I think those five months was really the first time in my adult life that I wasn’t responsible for all those sorts of things on my own, and I just felt so cared for, loved, and supported. When I left New York in June, I was doing pretty badly, and that extra support really helped me feel whole again.
Beyond all of that, those five months were such a gift –– if 2020/COVID, etc. hadn’t happened, there’s no way I would have ended up spending so much time with my dad, and there’s just something so different from getting to spend every day with someone compared to seeing them for few days a few times a year. I never really had that (my dad moved to Seattle when I was still in high school and so the last time we spent that much time together, I was still a kid), and this gave us time to really get to know each other as adults and build a new relationship. It felt really special.
A Few Other Things…
🤯 Why you aren’t taking action (the Life Coach School podcast)
🛏️ My favorite sheets are 20% off right now!
📚 Read this if you want to rewire your brain
🙏 Please help my new Ba-Cha-Cha dance video get to 1,000 views
📺 Anyone else watching this show?!
🎧 If my new life had a soundtrack, it would include this song